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The Kamila Gornia Show: Entrepreneurship | Marketing | Leadership with Heart Behind Hustle


Jul 26, 2017

Today we are talking about how to shift yourself out of the space of lack and into the space of abundance. This concept was huge for me over the past year, and I’m so excited to share this with you.

I have an interesting question for you. Are you a giver or are you a taker?

Now before you answer this question, since you're probably already like,” Oh, of course, I’m a giver!” I want to bring something to your attention. You might not even realize which one you are leading with because we’re often stuck in our ego and don't see that.

I realized that about myself in the last six months. I went through this transformational training, if you will, and realized a lot of things about myself. These were things I didn’t want to know necessarily, and I didn’t want them to come to the surface. But, I'm glad that they did because they made me see myself and how I was.

I was able to change. Awareness is essential to change, creating a better life, and becoming a better human being in general.

So, are you a giver or are you a taker? Often you might think that you are a giver, right? But, you might be taking more than you realize. What is taking and what does taking mean? It means more than just physically taking things from people, and it doesn’t have to be extremely malicious.

I’m talking more about the energy here. The power of giving, which is more of the abundance energy. You’re giving selflessly, and you want to support the other person and help them. You are pouring out love and acceptance towards them.

Now, on the other hand, taking is more fear-based. You might be in a self-righteous area when it comes to taking, and you want things to happen your way. You want to feel like you’re in control.

Very often you might be taking more than you realize. I’m not trying to call you out here; I’m just saying this to bring some things to your attention.

For example, was there ever a situation where you asked someone a question and wanted them to answer in a specific way, but they didn’t? Then you most likely got disappointed since what happened didn’t meet your expectations. This scenario happened to me a lot when I was in a relationship. I’ll be super up front when I admit; I have not been a very good girlfriend.

I had to go through a lot of transformation to heal properly.

When I was in relationships, I was not the best girlfriend because I was very closed off. I was also controlling and judgmental, mostly of myself. But, if you're judgmental of yourself that’s going to seep into the judgment of others, too. I would have conversations with my at-the-time boyfriend and would say things to test him.

This is going to make me sound so stupid, but I would say something just to see how he would react. I wanted to provoke him, and he would respond in one of two ways. The way that I wanted, or the way that I didn't necessarily want him to. Now, I’ll be honest; there was no winning in this situation.

If he did the thing that I expected him to do, that meant he responded in a way that wasn't favorable to me. This unfavorable response would prove some fear that I had about myself; some insecurity that I had. If he responded in a way that wasn't in line with what I was expecting to hear, then I was disappointed and would doubt if he meant it.

There was no winning. I was so insecure and in my head. I was not ready for relationships and had a lot of work to do on myself. But, in that situation, I was taking.

It might not even seem like taking at first, but I was taking because I was expecting a situation to turn out in a specific way. I wanted to achieve a particular result as it relates to another person, but we can’t control other people. We can only control what we do ourselves.

I was taking from him so that my situation would be either approved or disapproved in some way. I wanted to control the situation, so I was taking. I was taking from him the ability to connect with me, and I put up a wall. This was a recurring theme when I was in my teens and early twenties, and it wasn't until my mid-twenties that I started to change that.

There are a lot of situations where you're taking, and you don’t even realize it. Are you trying to control situations and are you expecting a particular thing to occur that isn't in your control? Are you trying to control people and do you want them to respond to you in a certain way? If that’s happening, then you're taking because you want things to occur in a way that's going to suit you and not them.

I’m a big fan of self-care and self-love. But, there’s a big difference between caring about yourself and doing it because you are insecure and want to take from another person. I have been that insecure person, and insecurity is probably going to always be a part of my life.

With insecurity, there is pure fear-driven taking and so much negativity that creeps into every area of your life.

Because of my insecurities, I was accepting situations and taking things from people but not allowing them to connect with me. I was, therefore, unable to give to them. It wasn’t until recently that I was finally starting to open my heart up and be able to give truly. FINALLY.

The amazing thing is that I do believe in karma and always have. Karma is not just when you do harm to someone, and it comes back to bite you in the ass. It works the other way around, too. The more you give, the more you’re going to receive because of that positive, open energy.

When you’re giving, you’re supporting people and helping them without any agenda. You can create more acceptance for yourself, you’re able to deal with your problems in an easier way, and you’re able to receive. Incredible things that you want to appear in life tend to appear because you’re in the space of giving.

I learned something valuable when I was going through a leadership training program, and it created such a big shift for me. When things aren’t going great, and you’re focusing on everything that’s going wrong, get out of your head and go help someone.

Go and seek someone out and give them love, acceptance, and support just for the sake of helping. Do this with no expectation of something in return. Be in the space of giving without asking for anything in exchange. When you do this, you will automatically put yourself back into the space of receiving goodness and abundance.

You're not going to be focusing on your own stuff because you can’t be in the space of fear when you're supporting other people. It’s not possible to be in both places at the same time since they’re two different energies. You are either in the space of lack or the space of abundance. Choose to go and do the giving so you can physically put yourself into the place of abundance.

It’s all about the energy and how you perceive what you're doing.

Hopefully, this has given you something to think about. If you ever feel like you don’t know how to deal with something, stop yourself for a second. Step outside of yourself and help someone in whatever way you can just for the sake of giving.

 

You will be in such a better place, and that’s something that no one talks about when it comes to entrepreneurship.

 

(I’ll talk to you in the next episode, thanks for listening!)